I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
