hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
