Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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