You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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