part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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