she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
