Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
