the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
