so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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