Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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