I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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