He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I touched a dick in church today
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
