i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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