3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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