Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
