my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
