If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
