I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
