my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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