sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
