So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
