Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
