'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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