I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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