I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
is it fun? or sober?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
