Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
