you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so explain again why im purple
no
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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