We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize