take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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