Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
