i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
