Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i out mim tonsoeep
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
