Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
