you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
