this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
