woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
