Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
