Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
