yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
that may or may not have been my penis.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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