It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
