Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
