Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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