why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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