On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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