well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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