I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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