i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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