I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
