Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize