Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
