It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How external is "for external use only"?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
