I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
