My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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