Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
