im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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