rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
love makes seman taste better
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
