I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
