that's an acceptable place to lick
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize