I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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