So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
