I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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