dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
