So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
