his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
