I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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