I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
