he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
