Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
