Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
