It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize