Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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